One Ring To Rule Them All

Riverside, CA (AP) - While fires ruined lives for many in Southern California (not to mention Matt's plans of attending a Los Angeles Lakers pre-season game in San Diego), the Itstheleague.com ("ITL") fantasy behemoth would not be stopped. Luckily for owners, the fantasy draft was held on October 13. Many participants gathered in the quiet suburban community of La Jolla in order to pay homage to the time-honored game that would dominate their thoughts and actions for the ensuing months.

So, as the media world converged to cover every bit of the draft, this beat decided to cover a different story--what's changed since we last met.

Some quick highlights before we get into the meat. Over the summer, an ITL official was linked to gambling. It is reported that Tim Donaghy, an ITL referee admitted to taking cash bribes and betting on games that he was officiating. Donaghy faces jail time and has already lost his job.

As a result of the gambling fiasco, ITL is pushing for increased transparency in officiating. In a report released October 21, six ITL officials were disciplined for breaching the league's anti-gambling rules. The behavior that violated the policy consisted of trips to casinos. It is unclear if these officials accompanied ITL Commissioner Kevin Reyes on one of his many trips to casinos near Boston, MA.

Commissioner Reyes is often compared to PGA golfer John Daly because of his love for all things casino-related. Pictured here in an undated photo, Kevin appears to be taking a break from his table game of choice--Craps--enough to call his bookie to place a few bets (probably illegal ones on ITL matchups). The league does not have a formal policy on the placing of wagers by league officials, but a group of owners, led by the owner of last year's championship team, Lightning Jeffs, seeks to change that. Boyd is pushing for a zero tolerance policy for Commissioner betting on ITL matchups.

The league has stated that the six referees engaging in the conduct have been disciplined and that there would be no suspension or firings. Interestingly absent from the report was Daniel Thomson's signature as co-Commissioner. Rumors have been circulating over the summer that a re-structuring of the ITL office might have occurred, but the league's front office has refused to answer questions concerning this.

ITL welcomed one new owner to its fold. Jayson Moss started another Riverside-based franchise. The new franchise is making efforts to reach a new target audience---beginning with the team name. "The new franchise will target a different type of ITL fan." The franchise's new team name is Loud Lezbos. The team's mascot is a blue-haired girl with a white t-shirt adorned with the words "National Coming Out Day" along with a rainbow.

Another ITL rookie owner, Paul Sullivan appears to also be trying the same tactic. Sullivan is the owner of another new ITL franchise. Paul's new project--the Ministers of Magic--is ITL's second Boston-based franchise. Paul appears to be targeting the same target niche as Moss by choosing a team mascot that has recently come out of the closet. JK Rowling, author of the widely known Harry Potter series, stunned the literary community by "outing" Dumbledore.

Only time will tell whether the efforts by Moss and Sullivan to reach new ITL fans will succeed.

Kevin Reyes of Kevdog's Ballers (no relation to the Commissioner Reyes suspected on gambling on games (see above)) is excited about the possibility of being able to talk basketball with someone on his side of the country. Boston based franchises have a unique set of challenges. The Eastern Time Zone means that Paul and Kevin will be in bed sometimes before games end on the West Coast. Additionally, unlike their West Coast counterparts who revel in the ability to watch Stattracker at work, at school, and at home during the day, the East Coasters must wait until the evening for the glory that is fantasy basketball to brighten their otherwise bleak day.

The one advantage Kevin and Paul have is they don't have to run back to their computers by midnight to make a pickup for the following day. Many a West Coast owner has partied early into the wee hours of the morning only to come back and curse the powers that be that they were too late to make a pickup for Sunday.

With the addition of yet another Boston-based ITL franchise, league officials are concerned that fixing of games may occur--particularly because Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce (two superstars in ITL) were picked up by the two owners best able to influence their play. When confronted with these rumors, league officials chose to emphasize the league's zero tolerance for drugs policy. League officials are still unsure whether Kevdog's Ballers and Ministers of Magic team officials will be allowed to cheer at Boston games if any of their players are on the court. The concern is that such behavior will alter the course of the basketball game resulting in artificially inflated stats for the players. Official word is expected from the league by the end of the week.

With the preliminary matters out of the way it's time to get down to it--the draft. It's been talked about and talked about to no end. Despite other reports (see preceding sentence) that it went well, owners in San Diego thought it was a bust (no pun intended). Particularly displeased was the owner of the recently renamed Brocolli-cheese Men. "It was crap. I was greatly disappointed," said owner Matthew Reyes. "Last year I saw a chick naked. This year the closest I got to that was Michael trying to show me a digital picture of tub girl." We hope for Matt's sake that next year is better.

But in all honesty, it is hard the 2006 draft. It was during a phone call to team officials (Matt's mom) that a neighbor decided to put on quite a show for Matt--al naturale.

Matt's displeasure can only add energy to the current ITL push to move the draft to Las Vegas. Matt pointed out that this would certainly double or triple the chances of another naked girl sighting.

However, it is difficult to see why the league would do such a thing what with the new type of fan ITL is courting. Wouldn't a draft location like San Francisco do alot to further that cause?

(Editor's Note: I saw this coming when Kevin made that trip to Disneyworld for Gay Days. I knew we'd see more of this when that new ITL logo was released (see below).)






And finally, news regarding the new ring design for the 2006-2007 champions the Lightning Jeffs is underway. At left, you can see the ring design chosen by the 2005-2006 winner, Cody Schumacher. On the side not pictured is a Rattlesnake (shocking, huh?).

When asked for designs, Boyd had this to say, "It's gonna have lightning. It will be gold. Other than that I can't go into details."

Boyd did point out that it would be difficult to design a ring had Bangladesh Thunder won:

"I mean how are you gonna have a picture of Thunder? Maybe you'll press the front of the ring, and it'll play a sound? Psh."

The Championship ring ceremony and Championship trophy presentation will take place before the opening game on Tuesday, October 30, when the Lightning Jeffs take on the Loud Lezbos.

Boyd's comments about thunder bring to mind the common feud. But perhaps Boyd had forgotten that the Bangladesh Thunder have been renamed? No. He probably did remember. Because Boyd recently announced the placement of a brand new business called "Champs Sporting Goods" with the first one to be placed in Lightning Jeffs Arena.

Merchandise will include dresses such as the one pictured below.




Also available will be underwear.


And of course, the foam finger.

(Note: The Lightning Jeffs Owner originally wanted the middle finger to be pointing up (and the only one point up) but league front office staff shot that idea down. "They never have any fun," commented Boyd.)

Champs will also carry hockey products including the ever popular Lightning Jeffs hockey jersey.



It is unclear if Champs Sporting Goods will include barbers to carve lightning bolts into the team's fans facial hair (see below).


One thing that is certain is that ITL will continue to bring entertainment, good times, and awesome rivalries throughout the months ahead. And here, Boyd's Beat looks forward to covering it all.