The One with Burnsy's Debut

Riverside, CA (AP) - CBUburns owner Brandon Burns has decided to buck the male stereotypes and enter the exciting world of male modeling. Sources close to this Itstheleague.com owner seem to indicate that after watching Zoolander for the first time, Brandon decided to take a note from Derek Zoolander (apparently a longtime mentor to Burnsy) and throw his hat into the ring so to speak.

Spokesman for the CBUburns team Matilda Jeffries indicated that by beginning his career in the male modeling industry, Mr. Burns is not abandoning his team. "Brandon has indicated that his priority first and foremost is to his team. Male modeling will always come second to him."

Sources from around the male modeling industry seem to support the decision. Matthew Reyes, former Itstheleague.com walk off champion, supported this decision. Reports to reach Matt via his cell phone this afternoon failed. However, a text message was received from Matt Reyes said this, "fag." It is unclear if DreamTeamPartDeux owner was referring to Burnsy's decision because it's unclear if Matt was even aware of the decision at the time.

Other league sources indicate that Mr. Reyes may be bitter about the Itstheleague.com decision to remove the crown that Matt Reyes won during the first Itstheleague.com walkoff. Matt's profile outside of Itstheleague.com rose dramatically after his near flawless performance of Sisqo's "Thong Song." The video was featured on TRL this week landing at number nine on the day's top ten countdown.

However, earlier this week, after a hearing in front of Itstheleague.com commissioners Kevin Reyes (no relation to Matt) and Daniel Thomson, the league ruled in favor of Trent's action to strip Matt of his title. Trent sought a hearing in front of the commissioner panel based on allegations that the Sisqo uniform was removed from Mr. Bridges wardrobe on the night of the now infamous walkoff.

The unanimous decision handed down earlier this week awarded the title "Best Walkoff" to Mr. Bridges. The panel appeared to be particularly persuaded by evidence indicating that Trent's Plan B for the walkoff (in case it went into overtime) was to use the Sisqo outfit. An official crowning of Mr. Bridges as the winner for the first walkoff will occur at a function planned in honor of Mr. Bridges this Saturday.

Other potential cases the panel may be hearing later this week include the Itstheleague.com first option contract. Itstheleague.com General Counsel, Jeffrey Boyd Esq. (also former time Man of the Year for 2005), indicated that "the league is interested in working with any team owners who are interested in participating in trades that may not be straight up player for player trades." He went on to explain that it may be profitable for teams to make trades lasting for only a certain duration (a week to two weeks for example). In instances where teams may not match up the best, it may pay to have an extra three point shooter on your team. "Itstheleague.com is fully behind working with team owners in not only hammering out these trades, but it is also interested in handling any disputes that may arise from these trades."

Earlier today, the very first photo of Burnsy's first photo shoot was released online.

During an interview Brandon called this look "Blue Steel." Brandon said he also used La Tigre during the photo shoot. Brandon's male model agent (wow that sounds so gay) said that Mr. Burns is also working on blue steel.

I know what you're thinking. What comments will Boyd's Beat have on this picture? Well, there's a saying in latin called "res ipsa loquitor" or in English "the thing speaks for itself." I think this is the case here. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck....it's probably a new male model, or a "star player" on Trent Bridges team.

How will Mr. Burns new career impact the league? The long term affects are uncertain. But this writer fears that Kevin may have just earned one more vote for his Rainbow logo.

Rumors swirling around the league are that Daniel Thomson (who was earlier outed by this column as really being Kevin Federline) may be joining Mr. Burns in the gay modeling...I mean male modeling industry. Remember, if it happens, you heard it here first.

In other news, owners around the league have been worried about the health of owner Jeffrey Boyd. His posts have confused many leading Daniel Thomson, owner of Bangladesh Thunder (which is STILL in violation of an injunction issued by a trial court judge....Daniel's window of time during which he is legally allowed to appeal is quickly coming to a close....with damages at $1,000 a day, Lightning Jeff is looking to receive a nice Christmas present from Mr. Thomson) had this to say:

I rarely know what you are talking about Jeff. Thank you.
Thunder Dan

Worried for his sake friends and family searches his Malibu villa finding nothing but a giant clump of dirty clothes, law school notes from his first three finals, and pictures of Eva Longoria.

After searching his Riverside estate, rescue workers found Jeff in this sorry, pathetic state:




Doctors at Riverside Community Hospital were optimistic on Jeffrey Boyd's chances of recovery. Treating physician Dr. Wilcox made this statement:

Rescue workers found Jeffrey in a comatose state of shock. This shock was most likely a result of the stress he was under from the current matchup. Judging by the length of the stubble, Jeff stopped taking care of himself since the beginning of the week. Our workers were fortunate in being able to get to him in a quick manner. In the other room, police found a laptop with stat tracker pulled up. The 6-3 lead by Matt Reyes brought about by the double overtime Suns victory was prominently displayed on the screen. At the end of the game, Jeff's body went into a state of shock. Had the game gone into a third overtime, Jeff probably wouldn't be here today.

Doctors have indicated that Jeff Boyd will be back up on his feet in a matter of days. He'll be back up belting our karaoke hit after hit.



After that piss poor performance, let's just hope he's not the one singing at the end of this week.

Remember to take care of yourselves, and your starters.