Thursday, January 25, 2007

The One Where Bridges Goes Missing or the Curse of the Chicks

Riverside, CA (AP) - Trent Bridges, owner of the newly renamed "The Revolution" has disappeared. Mr. Bridges, owner of one of the Riverside Itstheleague.com fantasy basketball franchises was last seen several hours ago. Ryan Lucio (pictured here apparently already giving Bridges the peace sign goodbye), roommate of Mr Bridges, reported last seeing Trent head to the gym Tuesday night. Ryan did not report him missing to local authorities until late in the day Wednesday. "No, it's not that unusual for Trent to not spend the night at the apartment. Trent is always busy with the ladies."

The Riverside Sheriff's Department is currently following all leads regarding the whereabouts of Mr. Bridges. Earlier tonight, police spent significant time chatting with several Itstheleague.com members including Cody Schumacher and Trent Knapp. However, after speaking with a high ranking lieutenant, this reporter has inside information that the top suspect in Trent's disappearance is none other than Matthew Reyes.

Police are giving alot of weight to a post made on the Itstheleague.com Message Board which was posted by Reyes on the night Trent went missing. Post number 1676 at 8:44 p.m. on Tuesday January 23, 2007. The post titled "I missed everything!" reads:

damn, you work hard for one day and look what you miss! I sincerely enjoyed the comic relief part as well.
Since this post by Matthew Reyes, the police have only one piece of communication from Trent Bridges. Trent Bridges last post to the Message Board appears to be in reference to a survey that fellow Itstheleague.com franchise owner Cody Schumacher placed on his myspace.

However, police have reason to believe that this post was not actually done by Trent Bridges. Why? The drama referred to by Matt Reyes (The STEAM Machine) was between Trent Bridges and Trent Knapp. Six hours after Bridges posts the reference to Cody's myspace survey, Trent Knapp replies knocking on Cody as well. It's as if Trent and Trent have joined forces against...Cody?

This doesn't make sense. There has been no resolution to the animosity between Trent and Trent. Thus, police are speculating that another person posted on behalf of Bridges (perhaps Matt Reyes) and that Knapp either sensed that this was a different poster or had knowledge that someone else was posting under Bridges name.

It should be known that Matthew Reyes has been convicted for the poisoning of Jeffrey Boyd and the attempted poisoning of Trent Bridges at an unofficial Itstheleague.com outing in San Diego one week prior to the draft. Reyes has confessed to these crimes noting that his intent was to keep them from participating in the draft thereby forcing their teams to be autopicked.

(Of course some in the league are quick to point out that autopicks for certain Itstheleague.com members might actually improve their ranking in the standings...but this reporter won't name names or point fingers.)

Stay tuned here for any breaking news regarding the whereabouts of Trent Bridges. Itstheleague.com members are holding a candelight vigil at their computers. And by candelight, I mean computer monitor glow. As Cubans busy themselves with concern of the status of their revered dictator, Fidel Castro, so Itstheleague.com members worry about the future of Trent Bridges' The Revolution. And one can only wonder. If they can get to Trent Bridges, could they possible get to me?

If you have any information regarding Trent Bridges's disappearance, you are encouraged to call the Riverside Sheriff's Department. Police have released this poster:





/////-----UPDATE-----/////

A spokesman from The Revolution front office has come forward to say that Trent Bridges was found wandering around the streets of downtown Riverside saying "but I needed to make a pick up....why? WHY??!?!?!?!?!?!"

Trent has since been placed at Riverside Community Hospital and is being treated for Multiple Personality Disorder. Doctors are uncertain what triggered the onset of this disease, but preliminary tests indicate that it is the Curse of the Chicks.

When pressed on the issue, doctors at Riverside Community Hospital point to a serious of correspondence that they are relying on for the diagnosis.

In response to a recent Reyes Review, Trent released the following statement (in post 1629):

Very nice Reyes Review...I didn't realize my team was that hot...I think that's because I always win by the narrowest of margins. Oh well, in the playoffs that won't matter. Watch out league...I'm coming for that #1 spot! [emphasis added]
That post occured at 4:42 P.M. on Saturday, January 20. Less than 12 hours later, at 4:22 A.M. on Sunday, January 21, Trent made this statement (in post 1632):

at least you went to bed at a decent hour Jeff. the bitch I just had sex with just left cuz she wanted to "talk" afterwards. now I have to wait for her to get home cuz she wants me to wait to see if she arrives at home okay before I go to bed. It's almost 4:30 in the morning bitch...I'm going to bed.... and oh yeah...my team blows!! [emphasis added]
The doctors treating Bridges drew their attention to the missing twelve hours that resulted in an abrupt about face on Bridges' feelings toward his team. The doctors concluded that the triggering even was the Curse of the Chicks.

The DMS IV (which is the standard textbook for all psychological disorders) does recognize the Curse of the Chicks as a valid mental disorder. However, the disorder is very rare occurring in only 1 in 100,000,000 people. This past season, doctors speculate that Michael Boyd suffered from this disorder when he lost to his older brother Jeffrey Boyd in the playoffs of the Itstheleague.com baseball league. Once police ruled out foul play, the only other reason for Michael's poor performance was the Curse of the Chicks. The effects of this disease stuck with Michael for some time. Michael repeatedly made comments during the basketball draft alternating between how much he liked his team and how much he hated it. Based on this, it is uncertain how long Bridges will be affected by this disorder.

Let's hope the doctors can cure Bridges promptly, as Bridges' presence on the Itstheleague.com basketball court will be sorely missed. And for the sake of the rest of the league, let's hope it's not contagious.

Doctors are unsure if it is contagious. As a precaution, all visitors wanting to see Mr. Bridges must wear protective "space man" suits. Doctors are also recommending that all Itstheleague.com members immediately suspend any and all plans. The course of prescribed treatment recommended for Bridges can also easily be applied to the rest of the league--watch lots of sports. Those most likely to encounter the disease are those who engage in non-sports related activities including but not limited to, school, work, watching American Idol, playing Fantasy Congress, and watching the news on tv. If you are allergic to sports, doctors recommend watching 24.

Police have yet to rule out Matthew Reyes intentionally sent this "call girl" over to Trent's to trigger this change. Boyd's Beat will keep you posted with all further developments.

You stay classy San Diego.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

The One Where Matt Takes a Shower

San Diego, CA (AP) - As Matt Reyes, owner of the STEAM Machine, takes a shower, I write this Boyd's Beat.

First off, rumor has it that a relative of Brandon Burns was involved in the Denver v. New York Brawl a few weeks ago. Rumor has it that the relative of Itstheleague.com owner Brandon Burns was suspended from RCDS for an indefinite time period. Asked to comment about the suspension, Mr. Burns had this to say, "What happened happened. We need to move on and focus what's going to happen on the court." Chasing that rumor away, Brandon moved on during the press conference to talk about his current matchup with Itstheleague.com stud Daniel Thomson.

Speaking of the Ex-thunder, Daniel Thomson has been under a lot of heat recently since the Itstheleague.com annual Clippers game. Mr. Thomson was seen covorting with Clipper Girl Ivanna Cummalot. In the picture below, Mr. Thomson appears to be groping Miss Cummalot's backside.


You've all heard about the shot heard around the world, but have you heard about the hand heard around the world? As you can see in the above picture, Daniel clearly had his hand on the Clippers Girls Ass. Now you may think to yourself, "Gee, Daniel's divorced from Britney, why would he possibly worry about getting caught with another girl?" Well unfortunately, T-fed has maintained his alter ego. And thus, his innocent Daniel persona (I'm Daniel, I work and model at C28 and I don't drop f bombs unless it's on the itstheleague.com post board) has been maintained as he continues to date Itstheleague.com owner Michael Boyd's ex-girlfriend's best friend. Nice work there Daniel.

In other news, Matt Reyes is completely infatuated with his player, Steve Nash. In addition to being invited to the owners Skybox for the evening, Mr. Nash was invited to spend some time with Matthew S. Reyes in the owners sauana (if you know what I mean).

The fantasy world has been shaken up by the league over the past few weeks. Will the Sexy Six maintain its grouping? Only time will tell.

Oh Crap, Matt's coming out of the shower. Remember, to take care of yourselves, and Daniel's girlfriend (as he left her for someone else now that he's a celebrity).