The One With Trent's Kiddy Love
Riverside, CA (Reuters) - Word on the street is, Matthew Reyes, owner of DreamTeamPartDeux, missed another game of the week. For those of you who do not know, Matthew Reyes, in his second season of an Itstheleague.com franchise ownership, writes Itstheleague.com's Game of the Week segment (GOTW). While Matt may brag about his three week streak, he is clearly covering the wrong games.
Earlier this season Matt decided to write about a matchup between Michael Boyd and Daniel Thomson. Based on where these teams are now, the winner of that matchup was a no brainer. By covering that, Matt passed up the now historic, no wait, legendary walkoff that occurred between Trent Bridges and Matthew Reyes. In the same spirit of missing another game, Matt decided to write about the matchup between himself and his brother instead of the WCS alumni game. But alas, I will have to pick up the slack, yet again, and do Matt's job for him.
On Saturday, six Itstheleague.com members gathered at the Charles O. White Pavilion to play the WCS Varsity Basketball team Note: I need not indicate that it is boys basketball as this is what happens when women play basketball:
For those of you curious as to where I stand regarding admitting females into the Itstheleague.com fold, I stand with a fellow Itstheleague.com member, who will remain anonymous, who stated, "We will allow female members when Augusta (pictured) allows female members."
For those who may be unawares, Augusta is home to the Masters golf tournament. Famous members include Bill Gates, Microsoft Founder, Warren Buffet, successful investor, and Jeffrey Boyd, lifetime student. There was a big bruhaha regarding the lack of a female name on the 300 member list. Because of this, the 2003 and 2004 Masters Tournaments were both broadcast without commercials as the sponsors were bullied into pulling their advertising for the tournament. Interestingly enough, NOW (National Organization for Women (with the militant portion of the organization headed by Frau from Austin Powers)) declined to go after similar clubs where Golf touranments in England and Scotland that similarly fail to allow female members.
But forward to the game! Itstheleague.com members in attendance were Brandon Burns of CBUburns, Michael Boyd of No Luck Boyd, Kevin Reyes of Kevdog's Ballers, Matthew Reyes of DreamTeamPartDeux, and social member Steven Boyd owner of baseball's BullDawgs.
Without a coach, the team's organizational structure resembled that of the disheveled misfits from Lord of the Flies. The strategy? 30-40 second shifts similar to hockey will keep the team with fresh legs.
The team started off man-to-man at first. If I were the coach, I would have had them run zone all day long. Man-to-man wore them down quickly. Not two minutes into the game, Michael Boyd came out. Looking more like a stuffed turkey from two days prior then the basketball stud he once was, Michael will need to shape up. It's clear those treks to the gym are not to use the cardio machines.
On the other hand, Kevin Reyes looked like a stud. 19 points with 5 threes. I bet Kevin wishes those stats counted for last week's totals. But even with those, Matt still works him over 6-3. Kevin played point guard bringing the ball up the court most of the time. Unfortunately, Kevin never really tried to set up the offense. Perhaps that was because there wasn't much of one.
Social member, Steven Boyd, played fairly decent. Took a few threes, but just couldn't get one to fall. Kind of like his playoff performance in baseball. Set himself up nicely, just couldn't get the stats to fall into place.
Brandon Burns looked pretty decent. Played pretty good defense and did a decent job of getting under the opponent's skin. This dialogue was heard through the courtside microphones after Burns hugged an opposing player after the guy pulled down a rebound:
Player: Quit raping me!
Kevin: He's 5'6". It's a good strategy. He's not going to hurt you.
Yep. Burns won't be hurting anyone on or off the court (at least in tenth place he won't). Don't worry Burns, if rape charges are filed against you, I'm sure there are people in this league (Matt and Trent Knapp) who could introduce you to a good attorney or two.
Matt Reyes played well, but was clearly showing his age. While 23 was a good number for his hero, Michael Jordan, it certainly isn't for this youngster. Let's put it this way, if this were golf, Matt would be a member of the legends tour. No offense to him or anyone else on the alumni team, as they just don't have the time or willpower to stay in shape the way their opponents did. All around it was a decent effort though. Laird Musich was the hero of the day. The offense quickly became get the ball to Laird who would then drive the basket and put up a layup or hook shot. Laird is played with much more confidence then when I remember.
So, all around good effort. And believe me, despite my harsh words, I am far from doing better myself (there's a reason why I kept stats and didn't play basketball). It's actually quite interesting. I hadn't thought of that. If I do really well this fantasy season, I will attribute my success to that.
Okay. So I covered what I set out to cover. But is that it? Do I rest there? No. There's a higher calling here at the Boyd's Beat. We set out not only to report the rumors, we set out to make them. We're the stuff the supermarket tabloids wish they could be. This is why our motto here at Boyd's Beat is "Humiliating Itstheleague.com owners since 2006."
So why are you still reading? Well, word on the street is Trent Knapp is beginning a career as a male model. At the poker outing on Wednesday night it was learned that the owner of The Big Knasty shaves his legs. As Trent is not a swimmer, the only explanation for this is either gay or male model. So, let's take a look at some of his work. If you have small children, this may not be suitable for them (so Trent keep that 14 year old girl that you used to date away from the computer screen).
Okay, all of the pictures you are about to see are completely unlatered. That means I did not photoshop them in any way. Trent did this all to himself. And if you don't believe me, you can see them by going to Trent's Photobucket.
BLAST! Trent has knowledge of my plan and has decided to password protect his page. I tried hacking the password and "iluv14yearoldgirls" didn't work.
But alas, I will do my best to compile this. Ahhhh, here we go. Here is Trent's first piece of work:
I have no idea what Trent is modeling. Perhaps it's completely homosexual pictures with your sister? I'm not sure if that fur on Trent's right shoulder is the jacket or part of whatever jacket the sister is wearing.
I know what you're thinking. Is the guy in this picture same as the guy in this picture?
Well, it is. Yes that's a peace sign. No, I won't tell you what his other hand is holding. So, how did this guy go from zero to (gay) hero? Fasten your seatbelts as we go back in time and learn all about Mr. Knapp. And Itstheleague.com owners, take heart. I am about to delve in an intense psychological evaluation pieced together from dozens of late night interviews with the now infamous male model. You will learn where he got his start, how he beat the charges that he was dating a fourteen year old, and whether or not he is a threat this basketball season.
The answers to those questions are as follows:
He got his start here (he's the one with the blond hair on the top left). When asked earlier, Trent said that, even now, the two girls in the front row are to old for him.
He beat the charges by claiming he was gay (the picture below was submitted as evidence):
Note: statue photoshopped over another man (again, FCC rules require that I can't post anything that might offend kids. And because Trent is in this league and likes to date them young, we have to abide by the rules).
And his team is not a threat as his team is located here.
I know what you are thinking. Trent can't possibly like little kids. Well, if that were true, why would he hang out here?
Yes. That's a playground. Filled with little kids. So what's his MO? Well, he hands little cards to the kids he likes that say this:
The only problem with this plan? 9 times out of 10 the kids aren't old enough to read.
That's it for now. Remember to take care of yourselves, and each other.
Earlier this season Matt decided to write about a matchup between Michael Boyd and Daniel Thomson. Based on where these teams are now, the winner of that matchup was a no brainer. By covering that, Matt passed up the now historic, no wait, legendary walkoff that occurred between Trent Bridges and Matthew Reyes. In the same spirit of missing another game, Matt decided to write about the matchup between himself and his brother instead of the WCS alumni game. But alas, I will have to pick up the slack, yet again, and do Matt's job for him.
On Saturday, six Itstheleague.com members gathered at the Charles O. White Pavilion to play the WCS Varsity Basketball team Note: I need not indicate that it is boys basketball as this is what happens when women play basketball:
For those of you curious as to where I stand regarding admitting females into the Itstheleague.com fold, I stand with a fellow Itstheleague.com member, who will remain anonymous, who stated, "We will allow female members when Augusta (pictured) allows female members."For those who may be unawares, Augusta is home to the Masters golf tournament. Famous members include Bill Gates, Microsoft Founder, Warren Buffet, successful investor, and Jeffrey Boyd, lifetime student. There was a big bruhaha regarding the lack of a female name on the 300 member list. Because of this, the 2003 and 2004 Masters Tournaments were both broadcast without commercials as the sponsors were bullied into pulling their advertising for the tournament. Interestingly enough, NOW (National Organization for Women (with the militant portion of the organization headed by Frau from Austin Powers)) declined to go after similar clubs where Golf touranments in England and Scotland that similarly fail to allow female members.
But forward to the game! Itstheleague.com members in attendance were Brandon Burns of CBUburns, Michael Boyd of No Luck Boyd, Kevin Reyes of Kevdog's Ballers, Matthew Reyes of DreamTeamPartDeux, and social member Steven Boyd owner of baseball's BullDawgs.
Without a coach, the team's organizational structure resembled that of the disheveled misfits from Lord of the Flies. The strategy? 30-40 second shifts similar to hockey will keep the team with fresh legs.
The team started off man-to-man at first. If I were the coach, I would have had them run zone all day long. Man-to-man wore them down quickly. Not two minutes into the game, Michael Boyd came out. Looking more like a stuffed turkey from two days prior then the basketball stud he once was, Michael will need to shape up. It's clear those treks to the gym are not to use the cardio machines.
On the other hand, Kevin Reyes looked like a stud. 19 points with 5 threes. I bet Kevin wishes those stats counted for last week's totals. But even with those, Matt still works him over 6-3. Kevin played point guard bringing the ball up the court most of the time. Unfortunately, Kevin never really tried to set up the offense. Perhaps that was because there wasn't much of one.
Social member, Steven Boyd, played fairly decent. Took a few threes, but just couldn't get one to fall. Kind of like his playoff performance in baseball. Set himself up nicely, just couldn't get the stats to fall into place.
Brandon Burns looked pretty decent. Played pretty good defense and did a decent job of getting under the opponent's skin. This dialogue was heard through the courtside microphones after Burns hugged an opposing player after the guy pulled down a rebound:
Player: Quit raping me!
Kevin: He's 5'6". It's a good strategy. He's not going to hurt you.
Yep. Burns won't be hurting anyone on or off the court (at least in tenth place he won't). Don't worry Burns, if rape charges are filed against you, I'm sure there are people in this league (Matt and Trent Knapp) who could introduce you to a good attorney or two.
Matt Reyes played well, but was clearly showing his age. While 23 was a good number for his hero, Michael Jordan, it certainly isn't for this youngster. Let's put it this way, if this were golf, Matt would be a member of the legends tour. No offense to him or anyone else on the alumni team, as they just don't have the time or willpower to stay in shape the way their opponents did. All around it was a decent effort though. Laird Musich was the hero of the day. The offense quickly became get the ball to Laird who would then drive the basket and put up a layup or hook shot. Laird is played with much more confidence then when I remember.
So, all around good effort. And believe me, despite my harsh words, I am far from doing better myself (there's a reason why I kept stats and didn't play basketball). It's actually quite interesting. I hadn't thought of that. If I do really well this fantasy season, I will attribute my success to that.
Okay. So I covered what I set out to cover. But is that it? Do I rest there? No. There's a higher calling here at the Boyd's Beat. We set out not only to report the rumors, we set out to make them. We're the stuff the supermarket tabloids wish they could be. This is why our motto here at Boyd's Beat is "Humiliating Itstheleague.com owners since 2006."
So why are you still reading? Well, word on the street is Trent Knapp is beginning a career as a male model. At the poker outing on Wednesday night it was learned that the owner of The Big Knasty shaves his legs. As Trent is not a swimmer, the only explanation for this is either gay or male model. So, let's take a look at some of his work. If you have small children, this may not be suitable for them (so Trent keep that 14 year old girl that you used to date away from the computer screen).
Okay, all of the pictures you are about to see are completely unlatered. That means I did not photoshop them in any way. Trent did this all to himself. And if you don't believe me, you can see them by going to Trent's Photobucket.
BLAST! Trent has knowledge of my plan and has decided to password protect his page. I tried hacking the password and "iluv14yearoldgirls" didn't work.
But alas, I will do my best to compile this. Ahhhh, here we go. Here is Trent's first piece of work:
I have no idea what Trent is modeling. Perhaps it's completely homosexual pictures with your sister? I'm not sure if that fur on Trent's right shoulder is the jacket or part of whatever jacket the sister is wearing.I know what you're thinking. Is the guy in this picture same as the guy in this picture?
Well, it is. Yes that's a peace sign. No, I won't tell you what his other hand is holding. So, how did this guy go from zero to (gay) hero? Fasten your seatbelts as we go back in time and learn all about Mr. Knapp. And Itstheleague.com owners, take heart. I am about to delve in an intense psychological evaluation pieced together from dozens of late night interviews with the now infamous male model. You will learn where he got his start, how he beat the charges that he was dating a fourteen year old, and whether or not he is a threat this basketball season.The answers to those questions are as follows:
He got his start here (he's the one with the blond hair on the top left). When asked earlier, Trent said that, even now, the two girls in the front row are to old for him.
He beat the charges by claiming he was gay (the picture below was submitted as evidence):
Note: statue photoshopped over another man (again, FCC rules require that I can't post anything that might offend kids. And because Trent is in this league and likes to date them young, we have to abide by the rules).
And his team is not a threat as his team is located here.
I know what you are thinking. Trent can't possibly like little kids. Well, if that were true, why would he hang out here?
Yes. That's a playground. Filled with little kids. So what's his MO? Well, he hands little cards to the kids he likes that say this:The only problem with this plan? 9 times out of 10 the kids aren't old enough to read.
That's it for now. Remember to take care of yourselves, and each other.
posted by Almon at
9:15 AM
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